SEASON ONE, EPISODE NINE: THE ONE WHERE UNDERDOG GETS AWAY

TITLE: The One Where Underdog Gets Away
SYNOPSIS: Thanksgiving! "Friends" Thanksgiving episodes are always great, Monica tries to give everyone what they want for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, there's some bullshit with Carol and Susan. God they suck. Joey ends up as a poster child for VD.
IS PORN MENTIONED?:
EPISODE MVP: The VD poster.
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: "Got the keys?"
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: Ah we should probably retire this until like season 3.
IS ROSS THE WORST?: Not in comparison to Carol and Susan
FEEDBACK: That VD poster is the best, y'all. I swear it was a real poster that was in my high school. Carol and Susan nonsense is the only thing keeping this from being the first classic episode.
GRADE: A-

SEASON ONE, EPISODE 8: THE ONE WHERE NANA DIES TWICE

TITLE: THE ONE WHERE NANA DIES TWICE
SYNOPSIS: Ross and Monica's grandma has died! But then not? But then yes! Hence the title. Also people think Chandler is gay. Hoo boy, "Friends" gets problematic in this space.
IS PORN MENTIONED?: Starting to regret using this as a category.
EPISODE MVP: Elliot Gould! He wants to be buried at sea. "Jack Gellar, he was buried at sea." Yeah man.
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Not there yet!
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: Eh he looks okay. We will stick with 1.0.
IS ROSS THE WORST?: He's trying. But God he sucks. Stupid Ross. Even when his grandma dies we can't root for him.
FEEDBACK: This one is pretty good! It is never on reruns for some reason, so this was my first watch. I take back everything I said about Elliot Gould earlier.
GRADE:B. The last scene with the Friends looking at pics of Nana at "Java Joe's" is a little too on the nose.

SEASON ONE, EPISODE SEVEN: The One With The Blackout

TITLE: The One With The Blackout
SYNOPSIS: NYC has a blackout! Chandler is stuck in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre. For some reason this was a huge deal when this happened. Is it a vestibule? Maybe its an atrium. A bunch more Ross and Rachel baloney. INTRODUCES: Paolo, and the creepy upstairs dude
IS PORN MENTIONED?: Somehow not!
EPISODE MVP: Oh my fucking god it's Ross
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Almost but not quite any
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: 1.0
IS ROSS THE WORST?: This may be as likable as he ever is. But still the worst.
FEEDBACK: HOLY SHIT THE FRIEND ZONE THIS EPISODE OF "FRIENDS" COINED THE TERM THE FRIEND ZONE
Which, I mean, "Friends" should be the one to do that I guess. I was in a similar situation as Chandler once, so I kind of cringe watching this storyline. And then the other one is Ross And Rachel nonsense. But this is the first episode where everything started to come together.
Also, I kinda remember this being a whole thing for NBC, like all their shows had a blackout this night. "Caroline in the City" in the dark, how could you NOT watch? Did "Seinfeld" partake? Thy woulda killed the blackout thing.
GRADE: A-

SEASON ONE, EPISODE SIX: The One With The Butt

TITLE: "The One With The Butt"

SYNOPSIS: The Friends go see one of Joey's awful plays, and Chandler falls for an actress. Yemen comes up. Joey has to show his butt?

IS PORN MENTIONED?: Man I don't know how it wasn't

EPISODE MVP: This is the first time we see Joey as more than a stereotype. But this is a Chandler episode through and through

CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Eh not quite

CHANDLER PUFFINESS: 1.0

IS ROSS THE WORST?: Yes, he mentions Richard Leakey and everyone feigns sleep. Six episodes in and everyone already knows he's the worst. 

FEEDBACK: Some fun with the audience hearing Chandler's story at the same time the Friends are. 

GRADE:No idea. B I guess.

SEASON ONE, EPISODE FIVE: The One With The East German Laundry Detergent

TITLE: The One With The East German Laundry Detergent
SYNOPSIS: Oh god I hope it's not the one in the laundromat. I fucking hate that one. You would think the series' naming device would help avoid problems like this, but here we are. Introduces: Janice. I would watch a show about Janice and Chandler from her point of view. I feel like she is a better person than Chandler
Also this lady:

IS PORN MENTIONED?: You tell me, I skipped this one
EPISODE MVP: No winners here
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: hahaha NOPE
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: Back down to 1.0. Good job Matthew Perry
IS ROSS THE WORST?: Yeah, of course. But he has a sweater from the Gap that I also had, though in a different color. But goddammit it's the fucking laundry episode.
FEEDBACK: It's the laundry episode.
GRADE:F minus minus minus

SEASON ONE, EPISODE FOUR: The One With George Stephanopolous

TITLE: The One With George Stephanopolous (spell check that yourself)

SYNOPSIS: So there is some sort of drama about New York Rangers tickets. This show could never decide how their characters felt about sports. Somehow it settled on Ross being a bigger sports fan than Chandler. Which is fine, I guess, but doesn't really make sense. Hockey sucks, anyway. Ross gets hit in the face with a puck, which is a thing that happens on TV shows. Rachel's friends from hometown come visit her at her job at Central Perk. And thus we have our first "Friends" storyline that is outdated in the Facebook age. 

IS PORN MENTIONED?: Man we are getting so close to this, I know it

EPISODE MVP: We see our first glimpse of Jennifer Aniston's comic timing. She carries whole seasons later on, so it's fun to see the zygote.

CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Not quite

CHANDLER PUFFINESS: Standing still at 1.5

IS ROSS THE WORST?:  He spends his time in the ER whining about Carol, so yes, Ross is the worst.

FEEDBACK:The early 90's were a weird time, man. George Stephanaplalala was a dang sex symbol for a few minutes. Chandler wearing a backwards baseball cap never looks right, and they keep trying to push that shit. 

GRADE:This one is pretty good. Let's give it a B+

SEASON ONE, EPISODE THREE: "The One With The Thumb"

TITLE: "The One With The Thumb"
SYNOPSIS:Phoebe gets some extra money in her bank account. Monica has some lame boyfriend or something. No one likes Monica's boyfriend. His name is Alan and apparently he is "too Alan". No idea what that means. Introduces: Chandler being a smoker, Rachel being a terrible waitress
IS PORN MENTIONED?: I kept thinking it was about to be, but no
EPISODE MVP: Matthew Perry gives the first signs of what should have made him the breakout male star of the show.
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Nope
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: 1.5 of 10. IT BEGINS
IS ROSS THE WORST?: He isn't really in it, so no. But yes.
FEEDBACK: Do we believe Phoebe has a bank account? I don't think she does.
GRADE: C. I have no idea what the plot of this episode was, but there are some okay laughs. Am starting to understand why people didn't like this show when it was first on.

SEASON ONE, EPISODE TWO: The One With The Sonogram At The End

TITLE:The One With The Sonogram At The End
SYNOPSIS: I'm not sure, Joey's hair distracts me too much. Also, Ross's ex-wife is played by a different actress. She seems fine? It makes me wonder what this actress did to get re-cast. Probably something super racist. This is where Ross finds out his ex-wife is pregnant with his child. Glad they started this arc so soon, because that means we can get it out of the way sooner. Also, Rachel confronts Barry at his dentist office.  First appearance of Ugly Naked Guy, Ross being the favored child ,and Eliot Gould and Christina Pickles as the elder Gellers.
IS PORN MENTIONED?: It is not!
EPISODE MVP: Eliot Gould. I'm pretty sure I'm spelling his name wrong, but I'm gonna go with it. Also, probably-super-racist Susan is foxy. Too bad about her worldview, she could have been a star.
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT: Nope
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: 1.0 of 10.
IS ROSS THE WORST?: We see Ross at work, so yes. Ross is especially the worst when he see him doing museum shit.
FEEDBACK: I love Eliot Gould as Ross and Monica's dad. He gives zero shits. He stopped acting sometime around 1983 and is in clear paycheck mode on this show. Jessica Hecht as Susan's partner is super annoying, and that's pretty much where she stays for the rest of the series. There's a sonogram at the end on VHS? I don't think that was a thing that happened.
GRADE: C- This might have been the episode the turned me off of "Friends" if I had started watching it when it premiered. Luckily I didn't start until Season Two, because hoo boy there is some bad stuff coming. Spoiler alert: unfunny monkey

SEASON ONE, EPISODE ONE: "THE ONE WHERE MONICA GETS A ROOMMATE"

TITLE: "The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate"
SYNOPSIS: A bunch of Friends hang out in a coffee shop. Spoiled rich girl leaves her fiance at the altar. Rich girl spends the day with The Friends. Rich girl finds high school chum at a coffee shop? Apparently her nerd brother has a thing for her? This could have been handled better.
IS PORN MENTIONED?: Nah
EPISODE MVP: Probably Ross? Ah I hate that it is probably Ross. I hate that I can see studio execs watching his performance, looking at each other and winking. "We got a winner here, champ."
CLASSIC FRIENDS MOMENT:
 "Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?"
"Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."
So many time I have used this. So many times.
CHANDLER PUFFINESS: 1.0/10.0
IS ROSS THE WORST?: Of course Ross is the worst. That's why this has its own category. He's not TOO bad here though. You can see the beginning of "David Schwimmer is the Gen X Dustin Hoffman!"

FEEDBACK:

Joey's hair.

What the fuck with Joey's hair.

Joey and Phoebe are definitely the two characters that took the longest for the writers to figure out, and in the beginning they aren't much more than Guido Guy and Hippie Chick. I think they end up being my two favorite characters in the show, though, so plus one for patience.

Well, this isn't a very good episode of television. I don't think I watched it when it was on, but if I had I would have probably complained about it to my fellow college students, in between bong hits.

But! Was "Friends" the first show to acknowledge that having a job, and having to go to that job, objectively sucked? I kinda think it was.

In a vacuum this is bad, but as a harbinger of what's to come, I'm more lenient with the grade. Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You'll love it,

GRADE: B-